My adult daughter does not observe hijab and does not listen to me in this matter. As a father, to what extent can I compel her? Can I stop her maintenance (nafaqah) and pocket money? Similarly, in the matter of marriage, she likes a proposal that does not seem suitable to me, and she refuses the proposal of my choice — can I compel her to marry? What is the balance between the father's rights and the limit of oppression?

Hijab is obligatory upon a woman. Allah Almighty says: ﴿وَقُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنَاتِ يَغْضُضْنَ مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِنَّ وَيَحْفَظْنَ فُرُوجَهُنَّ وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا ۖ وَلْيَضْرِبْنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلَىٰ جُيُوبِهِنَّ﴾ (And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests) (Surah An-Nur: 31), and He said: ﴿يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ قُل لِّأَزْوَاجِكَ وَبَنَاتِكَ وَنِسَاءِ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ يُدْنِينَ عَلَيْهِنَّ مِن جَلَابِيبِهِنَّ﴾ (O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to bring down over themselves [part] of their outer garments) (Surah Al-Ahzab: 59). Religious upbringing of his family is obligatory upon the father: ﴿يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا﴾ (O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire) (Surah At-Tahrim: 6), and the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you will be asked about his flock” (Sahih Al-Bukhari: 893; Sahih Muslim: 1829). Thus, a father's advising his daughter regarding hijab, encouraging her towards it and making her adhere to the Shariah environment of the home is not only his right, it is his trust, for abandoning which he will deserve to be questioned.

The Shariah has neither left the father absolutely unrestricted nor the daughter. The established principle of Al-Lajnah Ad-Da'imah is that obedience is only in goodness and in what is right — “Obedience is only in what is right (ma'ruf)” (Fatawa Al-Lajnah Ad-Da'imah, Fatwa No. 5994). Similarly, causing harm in the name of discipline is haram: the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “It is not permissible to cause harm, nor to repay harm with harm” (Sunan Ibn Majah: 2340, 2341; Imam Al-Albani, may Allah have mercy on him, declared it sahih). Therefore, a father may adopt lawful means such as advice, encouragement, expression of displeasure, and withholding extra facilities that are used in sin, but beating, physical or mental torment, humiliation and keeping her hungry are not permissible; this is not discipline, it is oppression.

Until the daughter is self-sufficient, her maintenance is obligatory upon the father: ﴿وَعَلَى الْمَوْلُودِ لَهُ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ﴾ (And upon the father is their provision and their clothing according to what is acceptable) (Surah Al-Baqarah: 233), and for the person of ample means there is the command: ﴿لِيُنفِقْ ذُو سَعَةٍ مِّن سَعَتِهِ﴾ (Let a man of wealth spend from his wealth) (Surah At-Talaq: 7). The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “It is sufficient for a man to be sinful that he neglects those whose provision is his responsibility” (Sunan Abi Dawud: 1692; Imam Al-Albani, may Allah have mercy on him, declared it hasan). Remember that the daughter's maintenance is not conditional upon her hijab or obedience; the investigation of contemporary scholarly institutions (for example, Dar Al-Ifta of Egypt, Fatwas No. 3912 and 7272) is also this, that a father cannot stop his financial support of his daughter as punishment for her religious shortcoming. However, pocket money in excess of obligatory maintenance and those facilities which are used in sin, withholding them is within the father's authority.

Marriage does not take place without a wali (guardian): “There is no marriage except with a wali” (Sunan Abi Dawud: 2085; Jami' At-Tirmidhi: 1101; Sunan Ibn Majah: 1881; sahih according to Al-Albani, may Allah have mercy on him), but being a wali does not mean having the authority to compel. The Noble Prophet ﷺ said: “A thayyib (widow or divorcee) shall not be married until she is consulted, and a virgin shall not be married until her permission is sought” (Sahih Al-Bukhari: 5136). When the father of Khansa bint Khidham, may Allah be pleased with her, married her off despite her dislike, the Prophet ﷺ annulled that marriage (Sahih Al-Bukhari: 5138). Among the jurists there is a difference regarding “compulsion” (ijbar) of an adult virgin: according to the Malikis, Shafi'is and Hanbalis, the father has authority with the condition of benefit and equivalence (kafa'ah), whereas according to the other group, consent itself is necessary; the preponderant view and the one closest to the texts is this second view, and there is agreement on the prohibition of compelling a thayyib. Similarly, if the father blocks a liked, equivalent (kuf') proposal without reason, this is 'adl (preventing marriage), and the daughter may refer to elders or to the qadi.

Maqasid note: The requirement of both preservation of religion (hifz al-din) and preservation of progeny (hifz al-nasl) is that religion be established in the home with wisdom and love. Hatred produced by force distances the daughter from religion itself, whereas with gentleness, supplication and good conduct, both hijab comes and the relationship also remains.

Translated from the original Urdu fatwa.